I'm doing this not only as a journal but also in hopes that this can be a way for our family and friends to keep up with the journey we are going on...

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Past due...

I'm waaay past due for some blogging. I know i have a lot to update everyone on so ill try not to drag it all out. Bare with me! By now everyone knows that we are expecting our first child. We are beyond excited. A little insight on that, Eric and I decided only a couple months (2 months) after getting married that we wanted to start trying to get pregnant. We had a plan...but like my sister in law once said "God laughs at us when we make plans". We wanted to get pregnant before Eric left for boot camp so that I could be pregnant while he was away and hopefully have the baby when we got to Lejeune. Over that year it never worked out but neither one of us were upset about it, we had sooo much going on and soo much to get used to that we knew it could wait. In December we finally got to move in together. At 630 in the morning on January 29th I woke Eric up and said "I'm going to take a test." And that I did. I took the test and got back in bad...shaking in my boots...I hadn't looked at the test yet because I KNEW i was pregnant and wanted to look at it together. So i asked him if he was ready to look at it and he was, so we did.

WE'RE PREGNANT!! I cried, he sat there in silence with a smile on his face..then shortly after that went back to sleep. Savannah was on her way to Lejeune that day so the fun of telling everyone was already beginning!! We told Savannah we made a surprise for her and its in the oven...

"There's a bun in the oven!" She picked me up, spun me around and we cried. You've all seen the video of how we told everyone else ;)

The pregnancy has been a very easy pregnancy. Eric has been very lucky ;) No late night cravings, no throwing up and only one outburst! I've been very lucky. I was very nauseous during the first trimester but sunflower seeds usually fixed it! I have had a thyroid problem since we found out. The doctors did blood work at our first appointment and found out the I have hyperthyroidism. Since then they have tripled the dosage that i started off at. The doctors assure me everytime the blood work comes back and they change something that the baby is fine and that the medicine is only going to make the baby smarter.

We had our ultrasound on May 12th at 730am to find out the sex of the baby. The ultrasound tech and the doctor both say ITS A GIRL! At first Eric and I werent convinced because her legs were closed but the US tech would say things like "i dont say anything in this ultrasound that says boy" So we just keep reminding ourselves of that. We are convinced its a girl. If it were a boy they wouldve seen "something" else there.

Erics work is going good. He is still with 8th Comm as a Radio Operator. We had our pre-deployment brief scheduled for last night. 8th Comm is deploying between the time frame of July 3rd and July 5th. It is a 6 to 9 month deployment to Afghanistan. That being said we have come to terms with the fact that Eric wont be here for the rest of the pregnancy, the birth of our little girl or her first holidays. *gulp*

Monday afternoon around 3pm Eric sent me a text that said "Good news!! I'll tell you later ;)" (hints my facebook status: He likes to keep me on my toes.) Well Eric comes home, all smiles. I ran into the kitchen and looked at him and said "tell me!!" His good news turned out to be great news. Before I get ahead of myself I should let everyone know that I am living in the moment with this "news". It is the military and things could change as soon as tomorrow, BUT for now.....He has been chosen to go to a different unit called MARSOC (United States Marines Special Operations Command) Yes...special ops. This is a compliment to Eric because you do have to be chosen to get in this unit. The great news is that HE IS NOT DEPLOYING WITH 8TH COMM :)He is now in a "stay behind" unit with 8th comm until he goes to MARSOC on Oct. 1st. When he reports to MARSOC he will have to do a couple months of training before a deployment. Which essentially means that Eric will be in the states for at least 6 more months...NOT missing the rest of the pregnancy, the birth of our little girl or her first holidays. THANKS BE TO GOD!!! Like I said, things can change...they tell Eric where they want him and he HAS to go there. He has already been switched to the stay behind unit though, so he is no longer with the unit that is deploying July 3rd through 5th :) HALLELUJAH!!

More good news is that we are on base now and we absolutely LOVE our house! We have been so lucky! I guess ill wrap this up now. Thanks for reading, stay tuned ;)

HAKUNA MATATA- it means no worries.

Love always.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Marines and Lejeune.

A little over a year ago Eric and I went to our families (house by house) to tell everyone that Eric had decided to make a career change. Today I was sitting and thinking about those couple of days where we were telling all of our family and all of our friends that we were joining the marines (yes, we) Its amazing to me how at so many different times over the past year time would stand still. so still. Like every day would pass so slow and every night even slower. Its also amazing to me how I can sit here a year later and not know where that year went. I can stand here (or lay here) and tell you that 2010 was the one of the hardest years of my life but I will also tell you that it was the best year of my life. I married my soul mate, yes he left for a long time (which would hint the hardest part) but while he was gone God brought us so close, closer than imaginable. I learned who I really was, who WE really are, I did things I wouldve never EVER done. I became a women i never even dreamed of being (because who knew i could?) When Eric first told me he wanted to join the marines i thought to myself "hell no, nuh uh, no way!" (ok maybe i said it to him) I remember the night he told me like it was yesterday. I remember telling him "yea right" and he just let it go. For about a week after that night i couldnt stop thinking about it...not necessarily about him joining the marines but how i might have been stopping him if he really wanted to do it. So we talked and made the decision "ok hes doing it"
and he did it.

and I am so glad he did ;)

So here we are today. In a different city, in our own little house. Just us and our dogs and we are so happy.

To family I havent talked to or that may need to be reassured ;)

We are so happy here! Eric works A LOT! He is gone almost 12 hours a day and sometimes more. He leaves for work around 5am and most of the time is home between 5 and 6. He likes his job right now and the people in his unit. They are doing martial arts right now (why? ill never understand;) ) He seems to like it but is sore from it. He had to have another root canal, he got it done last friday and is still in some pain from it but only when he eats. As for me? Ive been keeping busy. There is a camp lejeune wives facebook page that i have joined. I made one post on someones comment about needing her hair done and i have been receiving emails everyday asking about hair! So for the time being I have been traveling to different girls houses and doing their hair. Its been a lot of fun and its been a good way to meet girls. I also have been taking Zumba at the gym on base and have met a girl there. She is really outgoing and loves to dance (hints how we became friends) ;) she was standing behind me in class the first day and I noticed her not being shy about dancing so we hit it off!! We havent had the chance to go out to dinner or anything with her and her husband yet but hopefully we can soon! A lot of you saw my facebook status about getting on base housing. I didnt get to go to the housing office that day (last friday) because we had a flood and the plumber was here. Still havent been because we are snowed in. We have been going back and forth (literally every day) trying to decide if we want to live on base or off. Right now we are just going to go ahead and put ourselves on the waiting list while we decide what to do. The housing that we want is a 5 to 7 month wait so that "should" put us at the end on our lease here. The dogs are perfect! They love the house, the yard and having Eric home!! Its been really nice having downtime after the holidays to get settled in. I have been doing a lot of cooking (need new recipes!!!) Since Eric has to leave so early we are usually in bed by 9...that took a lot of getting used too. I wasnt able to fall asleep until at least 12 most of the time 2 when we first moved here but now im out like a light!

We went to a new church last Sunday. The preacher was soooooo awesome. We both liked him a lot. The sermon was so good. It was about giving 100% to the Lord and taking risks for him. At the end of the service the preacher asked us to bow our heads and close our eyes. He said a prayer then asked us to keep our heads down and eyes closed. He asked if there was anyone that wanted to change their lives that day, was there anyone ready to make to best decision of their lives, was there anyone willing to do it now? He said if so, with everyones heads down and eyes shut raise your hand. To the people with their hands raised he said now that you have your hands raised are you willing to stand up, are you willing to come up here and let me pray for you and give yourself to the Lord? The church was silent. Then all the sudden we heard foot steps and the preacher saying God bless you sir, God bless you mam...he said it about 9 times. Then he made the announcement that there were 9 believers standing in front of us and that he wanted to make it ten. Then we heard him say "God bless you mam" There were 10 people standing in front of the church. I promise you it was one of the most amazing things ive ever seen. The preacher told them they just started their lives over and that every sin they ever committed and every regret they ever had could be washed away now. There were people of all ages up there. Some in their teens and some looked to be in their 50s and 60s. They all said their names out loud (while crying) so that we could all pray for them. It was sooooo awesome. Bless their hearts!

Its been a roller coaster ride, but its been the best ride of our lives.

Love always.

Monday, September 13, 2010

sleepless nights.

Cant sleep and tonight I feel like writing. Not sure about what but im sure it will come to me. I'm at a point in my life where i know that I need God to get me through. I've always known and believed in God but honestly have never had a relationship like this. He is awesome. The most amazing part of that is that my soul mate is right there with me. At dinner he ask to say the blessing, at night he ask to say OUR prayers. (thanks God) At such a hard time in my life and Erics it has been so moving to talk to each other about what we have gone through emotionally and who we have both leaned on. (God) In a special way it makes us feel so much closer. (didnt know that was possible) Our 10 days together were the best 10 days we have ever spent together. I know now that every day we have together we will cherish every minute together. It has been so extremely hard being away from each other. When i think about the sacrifices he makes, ill do what i do...whatever it takes. Eric is honestly such an amazing person. I thank God for putting us together. I have days (often) where i just want to sleep all day and any little thing can make me cry. For example i was so pumped up and excited about my training appointment on Saturday morning, I got there jumping around and laughing with my trainer. Started doing an exercise and he said "so your husband is gone again right, when will he be back?" I looked away for a split second and just lost it. i cried so hard right in front of my big HUGE manly trainer..cried like a baby. Its so crazy how my emotions are right now. I dont understand them until I start explaining my feelings to Savannah or Momma and they remind me that i am human and i do not and can not be strong 24/7. I am a wife whose husband isnt with me right now, i have the right to cry. When i sit here and think about it and type it out it makes perfect sense. but when i am in one of my "fits" it doesnt matter...i dont like crying about this ALL THE TIME i just want to miss him but be okay. so far no good. This leave seems a lot harder then the first leave. Driving away was one of the hardest things ive done in a really long time. along with coming home alone, going to bed alone and waking up alone. I am learning to be a patient person. but this sucks. i cant wait for 29 palms (where eric goes next) because he will be able to have his phone with him and WE CAN TALK WHENEVER WE WANT!! that will be the best change in a long time. For those of you who dont know Eric got to call me on Sunday night. We talked for 20 mins. It was a good conversation. He seems to be doing good, other than being homesick. He told me that he was in class the other day and it was a good class, everyone was goofing off and having a good time. He said the instructor was really hyper so it was a laid back class. He said he was laughing at things and joking around with people then look down at his desk and saw the picture of his sister and i and almost lost it (i guess he is on the same emotional roller coaster i am) He said that MCT isnt as highstrung as boot camp so in that sense it is better but that it still sucks. He is now having to do all the PT (physical training) in his cammies and boots. He hasnt got to shoot anything yet, which is what he is really looking forward to. His sister and brother in law are expecting our first nephew any day now, Eric asked on the phone how they are and said "i still cant believe im going to be an uncle" we are both so excited. Her due date is the 23rd, my guess is the 20th and erics is the 28th...i REALLY hope he is wrong. He hopes to be able to call next sunday so hopefully i will have another update then. i hope everyone is doing good. YAY FOR FALL!!!

Surviving the wait.

love always.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

10 randoms...

Ive been wanting to do a new post but have no pictures and think they are starting to get boring without pictures. Kelly (my SIL) did a blog on 10 random things about her and whoever read it was "tagged" soooo here it goes.

1) I'm moving away next year and dont know where. Camp Lejeune or Camp Pendleton..opposite sides of the USA. (he has given my heart wings)

2) This time next week i will be a marines wife (Semper Fi- always faithful)

3) I love doing hair more than anything (it really is my passion)

4) In only a month Im going to be an aunt for the first time. (I am beeeeyond ecstatic)

5) At one point in my life i was allergic to everything...milk, chocolate, every meat except fish and pork, oats, grass, animal hair, nuts...EVERYTHING (it sucked)

6) Neither my husband or I are perfect but our love is.

7) I dont like being alone. (thank you God for biscuit and macy)

8) My little sister means the world to me. (the entire world)

9) I LOOOOVE to dance and will do it ANYWHERE (even if i have to make my own music)

10) Happy people make me happy.

love always.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The Rock by- amy-jayne mccabe.

By the dawns early light my baby's far away
Still the kids and I will start another missing him day
Only destiny knows when he'll return
We'll be here for him keeping the fires burning
I am the Rock, a foundation of love
Solid and true with strength from above
I keep this family going, I stand beside my man
I live without knowing
I am the Rock
As my day unfolds, I reach into my soul
Though I'm proud of him
I need some peace of mind to hold
And when I think about the the sacrifices he makes
I'll do what I can do whatever it takes
I am the Rock, a foundation of love
Solid and true with strength from above
I keep this family going, I stand beside my man
I live without knowing
I am the Rock
It will be ok and I will not stumble,
Our love is so strong Our world will not crumble
I am the Rock, a foundation of love
Solid and true with strength from above
I keep this family going, I stand beside my man
I live without knowing
I am the Rock
Yes, I live without knowing
But I am the Rock

love always.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Open the eyes of my heart Lord...

That song has been going over and over in my head. Its an awesome song. Tonight I went to a healing service at Good Shepard. I had a really productive, good day! I was happy all day and really felt like myself. I second guessed going to the service only because I was doing so good. But I knew it was the best thing for me to do. It was so awesome. I got there and found a seat with no one around and started writing out a prayer list. My list kept getting longer and longer and I sat there and realized i had about 15 things written on that list and didnt once think about myself. (there i go again) I sat and wondered how i could get through that list and forget about myself when for the last week ive tried so hard to consider myself and my sanity. So i chose to open my bible and place that list in there until later. I took a deep breath and let go of it. (not as easy as it sounds) The worship leader and another lady got up on stage and asked us to stand and sing with them. They chose perfect songs for the service, songs that allowed us to sing, out loud, exactlly what I was feeling. "I surrender all, all to thee, my blessed savior, I surrender all. All to Jesus i surrender. Lord i give myself to thee, Fill me with thy love and power let thy blessings fall on me" I stood there and opened my heart so that the Lord could come in and help strengthen me again. After singing the preacher came up and explained what the healing service was for and what we were going to do. I noticed there were three stations set up at the front of the church when i got in there. They had two people at each station that were there for you to come up and let them know what is weighing on your heart and then allow them to pray for you (HUGE GULP) So i sat there for a little while and bowed my head and tried to pray. While i was sitting there tears started flowing, I like to tell myself that the girl that brought me tissues was just watching me and not hearing me. lol. after i sat and got ready to go up there i looked around the room at everyone just to kind of get an idea of what i should do...no one was moving. So I went ahead and did the awkward and went up to two ladies that were sitting in the middle station. I sat down and as soon as they said how are you i started crying again. I sat for a minute and then told them why i was there and what i needed them for. (what a relief) I told them that my husband left for boot camp a month and a half ago and over the past week or two i feel like ive lost my strength. I told them that I feel really alone...you'll never believe what they said YANA!! (You Are Never Alone) duh!! i told them about a couple of other things that are going on and asked them to please pray with me. As i sat there holding hands and listening to these two women who i have never met before, or even seen before, pray for me was the best thing ive ever heard (pretty close at least) While i sat there i felt so much more at ease. I loved it. I hope that the people we prayed for felt Gods love as much as i did.

Thats pretty much all I have to write about. except this TOMORROW IS HALF WAY!!! ;)

I hope everyone has a great week!!


love always.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

warning: this is a deep post.

I have never felt so tested in my life. I haven't really been sure why God has decided to test my strength so much lately but i know that there is a reason for everything so Im gonna keep on keeping on. So much has happened since eric has left, things that i need Eric here for. Things that would be a little easier if I could just talk to eric on the phone about it, but I cant. So I'll deal with it. I cant seem to figure things out on my own lately, i have the best family support and friend support i could ever ask for and I appreciate it so much, but its just not Eric. If I didnt know before that i loved him with everything i have, i know now that I love him even more than that. Everyday I hear about how strong I am and about how proud people are and today for the first time I realized that I am being strong, i really am...but I feel that i am being strong for everyone else and forgetting about me (selfish huh?) Every single friend that I have needs me right now. (I am so blessed to have friends that trust in me and that is such an honor that they come to me) But today I realized, the hard way, that I need to set aside me time. I have honestly let myself go. I was in a place 2 months ago where I was at such peace with myself and my life, now....my life is thrown all over the place. My family and my friends need me right now and i am going to be what I set out to be, the best sister, daughter, wife, and friend that I can. But Ive got to find that place in the middle where I am in control of my own life too. If today wasnt a mental and emtional breakdown, then its coming if i dont get back to that place that i was at. Someone told me today that I needed to set aside time every day for just me...my first thought was yeah right how in the heck am i going to do that? people need me and i need to be there for them. I thought to myself there is no way I can turn my phone off and relax, someone might need something. Today for the first time I realized not only have i not made time for me in the last week but i couldnt remember the last time i prayed. I havent made time for him? what the heck am i doing? Im losing it...all those things were going through my head and making me crazier and crazier, sadder and sadder. You guys know me very well and know that when something is wrong with me I call whoever i can think of, today was different. Today I laid on my floor and cried and cried to myself. I didnt want to talk to anyone or hear anyones suggestions...i just wanted to be sad (a basket case) There were times where I tried to pray while i was laying there and didnt even want to talk to God. I just wanted to cry and be completely alone, thats not me and I dont like it. People ask all the time what can i do for you? nothing. what can i get you? eric. what can i say to make you feel better? nothing. I feel like a debbie downer but thats honestly how i feel. when i say it. I miss him.

To change, and thats what i think i need to do. I AM going to set aside time for me. I have too. Even if its 30 minutes, I have to do it. I said to myself today that I do have me time, my me time is every night before i go to bed when im writing eric...but then thought more about it. When im writing eric im being strong for eric. Im writing him things that he needs to hear, which I love. For real my favorite part of the day is writing him. But its not the me time I need, and Im very happy that i am realizing this. Now I just have to make the steps to change it.

This post has been a post full of me venting and I want to end it my telling everyone that I really am so thankful for the friends and family that I have and there is nothing any of you are going through that I wouldnt want to be a part of. If you need me Ill be here.

Forever and ever amen.

Love always.