sleepless nights.

Cant sleep and tonight I feel like writing. Not sure about what but im sure it will come to me. I'm at a point in my life where i know that I need God to get me through. I've always known and believed in God but honestly have never had a relationship like this. He is awesome. The most amazing part of that is that my soul mate is right there with me. At dinner he ask to say the blessing, at night he ask to say OUR prayers. (thanks God) At such a hard time in my life and Erics it has been so moving to talk to each other about what we have gone through emotionally and who we have both leaned on. (God) In a special way it makes us feel so much closer. (didnt know that was possible) Our 10 days together were the best 10 days we have ever spent together. I know now that every day we have together we will cherish every minute together. It has been so extremely hard being away from each other. When i think about the sacrifices he makes, ill do what i do...whatever it takes. Eric is honestly such an amazing person. I thank God for putting us together. I have days (often) where i just want to sleep all day and any little thing can make me cry. For example i was so pumped up and excited about my training appointment on Saturday morning, I got there jumping around and laughing with my trainer. Started doing an exercise and he said "so your husband is gone again right, when will he be back?" I looked away for a split second and just lost it. i cried so hard right in front of my big HUGE manly trainer..cried like a baby. Its so crazy how my emotions are right now. I dont understand them until I start explaining my feelings to Savannah or Momma and they remind me that i am human and i do not and can not be strong 24/7. I am a wife whose husband isnt with me right now, i have the right to cry. When i sit here and think about it and type it out it makes perfect sense. but when i am in one of my "fits" it doesnt matter...i dont like crying about this ALL THE TIME i just want to miss him but be okay. so far no good. This leave seems a lot harder then the first leave. Driving away was one of the hardest things ive done in a really long time. along with coming home alone, going to bed alone and waking up alone. I am learning to be a patient person. but this sucks. i cant wait for 29 palms (where eric goes next) because he will be able to have his phone with him and WE CAN TALK WHENEVER WE WANT!! that will be the best change in a long time. For those of you who dont know Eric got to call me on Sunday night. We talked for 20 mins. It was a good conversation. He seems to be doing good, other than being homesick. He told me that he was in class the other day and it was a good class, everyone was goofing off and having a good time. He said the instructor was really hyper so it was a laid back class. He said he was laughing at things and joking around with people then look down at his desk and saw the picture of his sister and i and almost lost it (i guess he is on the same emotional roller coaster i am) He said that MCT isnt as highstrung as boot camp so in that sense it is better but that it still sucks. He is now having to do all the PT (physical training) in his cammies and boots. He hasnt got to shoot anything yet, which is what he is really looking forward to. His sister and brother in law are expecting our first nephew any day now, Eric asked on the phone how they are and said "i still cant believe im going to be an uncle" we are both so excited. Her due date is the 23rd, my guess is the 20th and erics is the 28th...i REALLY hope he is wrong. He hopes to be able to call next sunday so hopefully i will have another update then. i hope everyone is doing good. YAY FOR FALL!!!

Surviving the wait.

love always.

10 randoms...

Ive been wanting to do a new post but have no pictures and think they are starting to get boring without pictures. Kelly (my SIL) did a blog on 10 random things about her and whoever read it was "tagged" soooo here it goes.

1) I'm moving away next year and dont know where. Camp Lejeune or Camp Pendleton..opposite sides of the USA. (he has given my heart wings)

2) This time next week i will be a marines wife (Semper Fi- always faithful)

3) I love doing hair more than anything (it really is my passion)

4) In only a month Im going to be an aunt for the first time. (I am beeeeyond ecstatic)

5) At one point in my life i was allergic to everything...milk, chocolate, every meat except fish and pork, oats, grass, animal hair, nuts...EVERYTHING (it sucked)

6) Neither my husband or I are perfect but our love is.

7) I dont like being alone. (thank you God for biscuit and macy)

8) My little sister means the world to me. (the entire world)

9) I LOOOOVE to dance and will do it ANYWHERE (even if i have to make my own music)

10) Happy people make me happy.



love always.

The Rock by- amy-jayne mccabe.

By the dawns early light my baby's far away
Still the kids and I will start another missing him day
Only destiny knows when he'll return
We'll be here for him keeping the fires burning
I am the Rock, a foundation of love
Solid and true with strength from above
I keep this family going, I stand beside my man
I live without knowing
I am the Rock
As my day unfolds, I reach into my soul
Though I'm proud of him
I need some peace of mind to hold
And when I think about the the sacrifices he makes
I'll do what I can do whatever it takes
I am the Rock, a foundation of love
Solid and true with strength from above
I keep this family going, I stand beside my man
I live without knowing
I am the Rock
It will be ok and I will not stumble,
Our love is so strong Our world will not crumble
I am the Rock, a foundation of love
Solid and true with strength from above
I keep this family going, I stand beside my man
I live without knowing
I am the Rock
Yes, I live without knowing
But I am the Rock

love always.

Open the eyes of my heart Lord...

That song has been going over and over in my head. Its an awesome song. Tonight I went to a healing service at Good Shepard. I had a really productive, good day! I was happy all day and really felt like myself. I second guessed going to the service only because I was doing so good. But I knew it was the best thing for me to do. It was so awesome. I got there and found a seat with no one around and started writing out a prayer list. My list kept getting longer and longer and I sat there and realized i had about 15 things written on that list and didnt once think about myself. (there i go again) I sat and wondered how i could get through that list and forget about myself when for the last week ive tried so hard to consider myself and my sanity. So i chose to open my bible and place that list in there until later. I took a deep breath and let go of it. (not as easy as it sounds) The worship leader and another lady got up on stage and asked us to stand and sing with them. They chose perfect songs for the service, songs that allowed us to sing, out loud, exactlly what I was feeling. "I surrender all, all to thee, my blessed savior, I surrender all. All to Jesus i surrender. Lord i give myself to thee, Fill me with thy love and power let thy blessings fall on me" I stood there and opened my heart so that the Lord could come in and help strengthen me again. After singing the preacher came up and explained what the healing service was for and what we were going to do. I noticed there were three stations set up at the front of the church when i got in there. They had two people at each station that were there for you to come up and let them know what is weighing on your heart and then allow them to pray for you (HUGE GULP) So i sat there for a little while and bowed my head and tried to pray. While i was sitting there tears started flowing, I like to tell myself that the girl that brought me tissues was just watching me and not hearing me. lol. after i sat and got ready to go up there i looked around the room at everyone just to kind of get an idea of what i should do...no one was moving. So I went ahead and did the awkward and went up to two ladies that were sitting in the middle station. I sat down and as soon as they said how are you i started crying again. I sat for a minute and then told them why i was there and what i needed them for. (what a relief) I told them that my husband left for boot camp a month and a half ago and over the past week or two i feel like ive lost my strength. I told them that I feel really alone...you'll never believe what they said YANA!! (You Are Never Alone) duh!! i told them about a couple of other things that are going on and asked them to please pray with me. As i sat there holding hands and listening to these two women who i have never met before, or even seen before, pray for me was the best thing ive ever heard (pretty close at least) While i sat there i felt so much more at ease. I loved it. I hope that the people we prayed for felt Gods love as much as i did.

Thats pretty much all I have to write about. except this TOMORROW IS HALF WAY!!! ;)

I hope everyone has a great week!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vnqb7Vn4AEE

love always.

warning: this is a deep post.

I have never felt so tested in my life. I haven't really been sure why God has decided to test my strength so much lately but i know that there is a reason for everything so Im gonna keep on keeping on. So much has happened since eric has left, things that i need Eric here for. Things that would be a little easier if I could just talk to eric on the phone about it, but I cant. So I'll deal with it. I cant seem to figure things out on my own lately, i have the best family support and friend support i could ever ask for and I appreciate it so much, but its just not Eric. If I didnt know before that i loved him with everything i have, i know now that I love him even more than that. Everyday I hear about how strong I am and about how proud people are and today for the first time I realized that I am being strong, i really am...but I feel that i am being strong for everyone else and forgetting about me (selfish huh?) Every single friend that I have needs me right now. (I am so blessed to have friends that trust in me and that is such an honor that they come to me) But today I realized, the hard way, that I need to set aside me time. I have honestly let myself go. I was in a place 2 months ago where I was at such peace with myself and my life, now....my life is thrown all over the place. My family and my friends need me right now and i am going to be what I set out to be, the best sister, daughter, wife, and friend that I can. But Ive got to find that place in the middle where I am in control of my own life too. If today wasnt a mental and emtional breakdown, then its coming if i dont get back to that place that i was at. Someone told me today that I needed to set aside time every day for just me...my first thought was yeah right how in the heck am i going to do that? people need me and i need to be there for them. I thought to myself there is no way I can turn my phone off and relax, someone might need something. Today for the first time I realized not only have i not made time for me in the last week but i couldnt remember the last time i prayed. I havent made time for him? what the heck am i doing? Im losing it...all those things were going through my head and making me crazier and crazier, sadder and sadder. You guys know me very well and know that when something is wrong with me I call whoever i can think of, today was different. Today I laid on my floor and cried and cried to myself. I didnt want to talk to anyone or hear anyones suggestions...i just wanted to be sad (a basket case) There were times where I tried to pray while i was laying there and didnt even want to talk to God. I just wanted to cry and be completely alone, thats not me and I dont like it. People ask all the time what can i do for you? nothing. what can i get you? eric. what can i say to make you feel better? nothing. I feel like a debbie downer but thats honestly how i feel. when i say it. I miss him.



To change, and thats what i think i need to do. I AM going to set aside time for me. I have too. Even if its 30 minutes, I have to do it. I said to myself today that I do have me time, my me time is every night before i go to bed when im writing eric...but then thought more about it. When im writing eric im being strong for eric. Im writing him things that he needs to hear, which I love. For real my favorite part of the day is writing him. But its not the me time I need, and Im very happy that i am realizing this. Now I just have to make the steps to change it.

This post has been a post full of me venting and I want to end it my telling everyone that I really am so thankful for the friends and family that I have and there is nothing any of you are going through that I wouldnt want to be a part of. If you need me Ill be here.

Forever and ever amen.

Love always.

I know its been awhile but i havent felt like ive had anything to write about. Tonight im in the mood to write sooo we'll see how it goes. To start the dogs are both healthy!! no more sickness' in our house!! Monday, for the first time, I noticed a change in Macy. Ever since Eric left she has looked for him but mostly she does it right when i get home....like, wait a minute wheres Dad? but as of monday she walks the house about a million times whining. It really is the saddest thing ever. Eric told her before he left that he would be back and I tell her daily that he will be home august 27th. Do you think she gets it? I hope so. Biscuit is fine, I know he misses eric but he is definitely a mommas boy, well until Eric is around...then he somehow gets both of them. I used to be jealous of it, now i miss it.

Going thru this is a lot harder than i thought it would be, A LOT. And to be honest it gets harder every day. For some reason i'm having a hard time saying yay its a day closer to seeing him and being with him again, the way i see it is, great there went another day without my husband, my best friend, my heart..my everything. sucks huh? stupid right? Maybe it will get better. Im sure it will, i pray it does. I write Eric every single night. I look forward to writing him everyday because in a way i feel like I am talking to him. Its fun. I check the mail twice a day to see if i have a letter yet. It has now been 7 days, when Eric got his 15 second phone call he said he would contact me in 7 to 10 days via mail. so it SHOULD be any day now BUT as we have learned already the marines is kinda late with everything..the marines (maybe the military) motto is "hurry up and wait" we definitely know what they mean now ;)

On a way lighter note I have been doing fun things, Olivia and I had out first sleepover last Thursday it was sooooo much fun. We ate popsicles (erics popsicles)



gave her a bath and then played with the dogs




then read books and went to bed. It was also great waking up at 6:45 am...to play. ;)

Waylon got dedicated last Sunday. Dedicated to God and it was an amazing service. It really was so sweet. Savannah and Danny got him a white silk suit which was adorable.



Dannys mother has passed on, but they wanted a way to represent her being there and they did an great job of making it happen. They took a flower from her funeral and placed it on Waylons shoe so she could be with him the whole time. It was so sweet.









Other than those two fun things Ive just been working and spending time with friends. A lot of our friends play in cornhole tournaments and pretty much every night, somewhere, someone, is playing. So i do have things to do. Although when I come home to let the dogs out for a while and feed them I dont want to leave so i stay in. luckily and surprisingly to me I have not been scared at all. YAY!! Its also kinda weird not watching CNN and ESPN everynight, but im not complaining ;)

I guess thats it for now, except for giving you todays bible verse, i thought it was a great one to wake up to this morning!

2 Samuel 7:28 And now, O Lord God, you are God, and your words are true, and you have promised this good thing to your servant.

love always.

There goes my life

Eric Left for bootcamp today. We've been anticipating this day for a year now, we must have said 100 times today that we cant believe its already here. Last night I took Eric downtown to the hotel that he was staying in at 4 oclock. He went in and checked in then we went to vinnies for dinner. After Vinnies we went to a coffee shop in NODA, yes Eric went to a coffee shop! We took Savannah along with us. really for me. I am so glad that i decided not to go alone. she was a life saver!
Here is Eric and I at the coffee house...
After we left the coffee house it was time for us to take Eric back to the hotel. It was so much harder then i thought it would be. When it got dark outside and we were on the way to drop him off it set in that my husband wasnt coming home with me. I cried, i cried a lot. It was there that i had to tell Eric bye. Yes I got to see him today but we had to be quiet and when it came down to the time he was actually leaving we were very rushed and there were a lot of people around. Eric got chosen to be his group leader, which means that he had to carry his groups (about twelve recruits) medicial records and HE was responible for the two HUGE stacks of papers to get to Parris Island. When they were getting in line to leave they asked the family and friends to go outside and wait. When they came outside Eric was carrying the two huge stacks of papers and couldnt hug me. WHAT????? he gave me a kiss and said "i love you baby." That was all i needed.
After our short kiss goodbye, Eric was off to boot camp...

but not before I got the shuttle driver to open the door so i could tell Eric bye one more time and tell the guys he was going with to be safe and do good work!

Everything we have been waiting for has now begun. Thats something to be proud of.

love always.

The closer it gets...

the more "real" it gets. Tomorrow is the day we have been waiting on for almost a year now. The feelings are pretty easy to explain because right now I have every feeling there is. I am really excited and I am really sad, i guess those would be the easiest to pin point. Today is the first day that i have thought about all the sad things, like tonight is our "last" dinner at home, tomorrow is my "last" time waking up with him next to me. Lots of stuff!

We had such a good week. since i wrote last we both went over to mamaws to spend some time with her and Peighton. It was so fun watching Peighton play, she is talking so much now. Mamaw was so sweet, she loved on Eric just like she loves on me. When we were leaving Eric and I could both tell that she didnt want to let go.



Another night we decided last minute to have a poker night, none other than yours truly one first and second place ;)

We went out to lunch with mamaw, papaw and aunt kathy to Hickory tavern. It was really good to spend some time with them. After lunch we went to see momma and alis house. ITS PERFECT!!! We both liked it a lot. momma got lots of new furniture and decorated really pretty, as usual! Im really upset about this but I left my camera at home that day on accident :(

Friday night we went over to Frank and Lindas for an awesome dinner. After dinner we played a really fun game with them, I was the only one who didnt win a round...boo! It wasnt the last time Eric saw them or will see them but i took a picture anyway!

Saturday we had Savannah Danny Waylon and Jeff over for a special "best friend dinner" We had sooooo much fun. We ate ceaser salad, steak, baked potatoes, Mac n cheese and garlic bread. for dessert we had peanut butter cookies!! It was a lot of food but we had to go all out ;) Once again no pictures from that night. Waylon is crawling around everywhere. We told Eric that waylon will be running around the house when he gets back!

Biscuit is really sick. We switched their food (gradually) about two weeks ago and he did fine at first. Macy was the one that got sick. Now Macy is fine and Biscuit is horrible. this is the first time that ive seen biscuit miserable and its not fun :( we decided to take him to the vet today. They gave him some antibiotics and some medicine to stop the diarrea. We have to give him the diarrea meds everytime he goes and we are almost out!! ughhhh!!! I hope he is feeling better by tomorrow. I would hate for Biscuits daddy to leave when he is so sick.

We just finished eating dinner (our last dinner :( ) I made Erics favorite! salsa chicken over rice! It was delicious! (if i do say so myself)

"Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but some how feeling warm inside because you're close in heart."

love always.

last week

This week has been such a good week. I took the week off to spend time with Eric before he goes, and thats exactly what i've done. We had Erics party on saturday night at the Trefils house. We had such a good turn out and as always, a great time!! A few of us helps Arlene by bringing food and a lot of people brought Eric drinks. We played a lot of cornhole and mingled all night. Melissa (jeffs sister) made posters for Eric, i thought that was a really sweet idea.







Here is a couple more pictures from that night...







Sunday i went to Caidens 2nd birthday party, I can not believe he is two already.
Two years old and a huge hand full ;)


Monday we just laid around then had date night at olive garden!! yummy!!!

Today we went to the recruiters office to fill out MOOOOORRRREEE papers! The most exciting part of today for me was finding out Erics graduation date which is....AUGUST 27TH!! which means my hubby will be home for my birthday! wooooohooooo!(is that selfish? ;) )Today we finally went to Bed bath and Beyond to get new slip covers and pillows for out couch and love seat. This is a big deal to me because i hated the colors of our couches. Dont mind the blank walls, im working on it :)



Tonight we had my daddy and Suzanne over for dinner so they could see Eric. We had a really good dinner with them and enjoyed showing them our new house!


We have no plans for tomorrow, we may go see mamaw and Peighton for a little bit though. Thursday we are going to hickory tavern with mamaw, papaw, aunt kathy and sam..unfortunately uncle dale and jordan both have to work. After lunch with them we are going to go see momma and alis new house...FINALLY!!! I cant wait to see it and spend some time with them! Friday night we are having dinner over at Frank and Lindas, we are actually going over early because i already need an oil change...whoops! No plans for Saturday and Sunday yet but i know they will be filled up! :)

“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future.” Seneca Quotes

Love Always!

Good times.

10 days. It finally set in today that my husband is leaving (not that i was waiting for it, i was actually dreading this) This week has been a fun week. Tuesday night we went out to dinner with Jeff to TGIFs. One of my clients came in on Tuesday and handed me a 50 dollar gift card to TGIFs and asked me to thank him for her. I thought that was so thoughtful and so sweet! We had a really good dinner. Jeff and I, along with Jeffs parents, are planning a party (i refuse to call it a "going away party") for eric this saturday...it is going to be so much fun. Wednesday after work I went over to Jacques brothers house for his birthday cookout. I am so thankful to know that family (thats Olivias family) i feel so welcomed there and have so much fun! After his party Eric and I met some friends at Macs to have a drink and watch a cornhole tournament. Anthony Cintron was up there, it was good to hang out with him we have so much fun with him...and NEVER stop laughing.

I guess something happened over night last night because i woke up this morning with all new feelings. Not good feelings. I dont remember dreaming about anything, but I definitely woke up crying. It really has set in now. I called Tonya on the way to work, shes really good at telling me to dry it up and remember this will make Eric happy ;) once i got to work and started doing clients I got better. One thing they taught us at school is to fake it when necessary. I do, and it works. So with the distractions at work the day went better. We had our first taco night tonight, Eric said it was really good! (you have no idea how happy i am. lol) after dinner i called and invited my daddy and suzanne over for dinner next tuesday and all daddy had to say is "how are yall doing?" and i lost it. Eric has been really supportive and loving when i get upset and its such a good feeling to know he gets it. I really do have a good husband.

Erics recruiter is coming over to our house Monday night to talk to us about boot camp. He is giving me the address to where Eric will be. It will also be the address where we will send letters to, so i will pass that along as soon as i get it. (kind of official right?) :/

Macy and Biscuit got spoiled rotten today. Eric went to a new pet store in Ballantyne and came home with new food and some real raw meat that will be used a snacks or treats (apparently its good for them) they absolutely love it!! They also got a new toy that squeaks, Macy went to town on it!!!

My next post will be after Erics party and I promise to have lots of pictures!

“The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.”
- Stephen Covey
Love always

Starting here...

We got home from Huntsville today. We had a great time. Kelly and Garet are both doing really good. Their house is so cute and the town is awesome. We spent a lot of quality time together which was much needed. Eric is leaving 14 days from today. Bummer. So we talked a lot about the marines, boot camp, california and watched some videos on what all he will be doing. Im not really sure how it makes other people feel (such as family) to talk details but for me i want to know. We watch movies all the time and talk about it often. Some movies i dont make it through without saying "eric WILL NOT be doing this". It just makes me feel better. Ive done really good (i think) dealing with everything, but watching Kelly tell Eric bye today was not easy. it actually sucked. Funny story though, we were discussing the food that they will give eric during "the crucible", which is his very last test to pass to graduate boot camp, and Garet had some of it. haha. It comes in a pouch and it had beef stew, crackers, coffee, hot sauce, a hoo-rah bar, and some condiments...It looks awful. Somehow he will have to heat water up and add it to the beef stew (assuming he gets the beef stew pouch) As gross as it sounds, Eric seems pretty excited about it. HE'S EXCITED ABOUT ALL OF IT!! that makes it soooo much easier for me. Kelly looks awesome. She seems to be feeling good and Colins room should be coming together very soon (thats the babys name, Colin Davis Beane). Eric and Garet moved the bed out of his room so they can paint and start moving furniture in. We got to see the bedding for the crib and its perfect. I cant wait to see it all together and most of all to meet him!! I didnt take any pictures in Alabama :( when kelly sends hers to me i will post some.

Im imagining that these next two weeks will be CRAZY! We have a lot of people to see and some things to do around the house, such as teach me how to start the lawn mower...grrrreat. We havent spent any of our bed bath and beyond gift cards so i am hoping that while im off next week we can get couch covers and curtains for our windows :) thats fun stuff!! Momma moved in to her house this weekend, I cant wait to go see it! and her and sissy :) :) I guess this is enough rambling for my first blog. Until next time...

Love Always.